Ciao, Adios 2018

So the sun sets on another year. I can’t say I’m too sad about it. Most of you will know, (s/o to you OG readers), that 2018 has been a horrendous year for me and probably the worst one so far. That being said, although I have named this year the Year of the L, I’m also taking that as the year of so many lessons learnt. Instead of dwelling on the utter shit that happened this year, I’ve chosen to approach the end of 2018 and start of 2019 a bit differently.

Firstly, I made a gratitude list for 2018. I physically took pen to paper and wrote down all the things I was grateful for this year which lead me to try and turn all the negative occurrences into positive outcomes. For example, strength and progress feature on my list, alongside health and travel. The biggest one though, was friends and family. This year has taught me so many things but the biggest one has definitely been that I love, appreciate and cherish my friends and family. They have rallied around me, even though many don’t know the ins and outs of what’s gone on. Without them, I honestly don’t think I would have made as much progress as I have, nor be in the positive space I am right now. SO BIG UP YOU GUYS – YOU ARE THE REAL MVPS.

Instead of making rEsOlUtIoNs this year, (which I’m inevitably not going to stick to and then beat myself up over), I’ve decided to write down what I want to achieve and set realistic goals for myself. Some are material things, such as a new car, which in turn means saving money. Others are ‘run a 10k for charity’, which in turns means setting aside time for exercise and ‘get a 1st in my degree’, which means prioritising studying and giving it my all.

Another really important thing on my goals list is self love. Born from the negatives of this year, and the constant longing for validation and approval from guys (who we all know are trash anyways), I’ve set a goal for myself to be the baddest bitch in this game of life. This begins with talking to myself kindly. I have an incessant internal monologue. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a virgo but the internal voice is, quite frankly, a bitch and she needs to be given her P45. For the past 2 weeks or so, whenever I have a mean thought come to my mind I’ve written it down on one side of the page, then on the other side I’ve written what would be a kinder, probably more accurate, thing to say. For example, ‘you never have anything to add to a conversation: you’re boring’, has now become, ‘you are a good listener and that’s why people appreciate you’. In 2019, we will have a kinder internal dialogue – please and thank you.

Other than that I don’t really have much else to say for 2018. I’m feeling positive and optimistic about the new year. There’s going to be a lot of change and so much of it is unknown, but I’m finding the prospect of that quite exciting really.

I guess all that’s left to do now is get hella drunqué and dance until near death.

Ciao, adios 2018 – the Year of the Loss and the Lesson.

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